What makes Act Two so exciting for readers or outside observers is exactly what makes the main character — the hero — the most likely to break. I can confirm that this main character has had several breaks and there will invariably be more ahead.
Read MoreAnd as is normally the case, as the reaction of anger and fury dissolved - melted away like the high-fructose corn syrup on a lollipop - I was left with the core of what I was really feeling. Fear. The centre of my tootsie pop is fear.
Read MoreI am starting to notice and pay attention to what precedes the calm. In this case it was a phone call about nothing.
A discussion with no agenda, no desired outcome, nothing that either of us ‘needed’ from the other. Spontaneous. Unplanned. No control. No structure. This is hard for me to reckon with.
What precedes the calm is often spontaneous. Unplanned. Unstructured. It is a conversation about nothing.
How do you create more nothing? Worse - What if the idea of nothing is terrifying?
Read MoreSomewhere in the last 25 years, we agreed that moving back to Aylmer was part of our plan. We would downsize when the kids got older. Move closer to my parents and my brother and family. Something with one floor so we (mostly Tim) could get old and crumbly. It would be the start of the ‘next chapter’.
Smaller house and more adventures. Less work, more play. Get a boat. Start a garden. Travel.
And suddenly the “next chapter” was happening. Sooner than I had imagined. Faster than I thought.
Read MoreFor 15 months, I have carried on. Not always well. Because carrying on was something that was prized and prioritized. It was okay to acknowledge the change and the challenge. Accept that things were different and ‘not-normal’. Spend more time, extra time, checking in on each other and encouraging things like rest and mindfulness and exercise and self-care.
And while all of that helped me survive and contributed to me making it to day 47 or 89 or 213, the damage still added up.
Until day 439 when I broke.
Read MoreWhat about the ‘other’ child or children? The forgotten ones - the ones who are enduring it just as much as the sick one … but without the support. Without the focus. How much do they hurt? How do we, as parents, navigate the unthinkable for everyone…Spoiler alert: You don’t. You can’t. There will be damage and hurt and scars and marks. These are some of mine…
Read MoreHow can we trust someone we don’t know? How can I expect someone to trust me if they don’t know me?
How - without care and a specific and deliberate effort to know each other as people first and colleagues or community member second - can a team really work?
Spoiler Alert: It doesn’t…
Read MoreSix-years ago today, as they hung the first of three bags of Stem Cells harvested from an anonymous donor the day before, we signed up for a life of anxiety and ambiguity.
And we have been living that life ever since.
You can do it too -
Read MoreWhether it is for a job or a speaking engagement, I am going to get told no.
I am going to have meetings where they are looking for a speaker with credentials or experiences that I don’t have. I am going to write articles that don’t land. I am going to get feedback – sometimes brutal – on materials & presentations because it’s just not good enough. Yet.
I know that. And I know I need to be okay with that…but I’m not.
Read MoreYour birthday this year was supposed to suck - no friends, fucking presents didn’t arrive in time, no big cake and hoopla.
Read MoreWhat I have loved most about working like a mofo these past 4 weeks alongside so many others is getting to know people in a whole new way. I have gotten to see and hear parts of their lives they previously sanitized and limited to be "professional". The past 4 weeks has been intensely humanizing. Intimate even.
And I have loved it.
Read MoreOut like a Lion - Bye-Bye March. April is all about doing the best we can and I say we are all #GoodEnough
Read MoreWhat if you could learn a lifetime of lessons in 5 Years? What if that was your only 5 Years? What would you do?
Read MoreWhat happens when you take something you “love” and you purposefully try to turn it into a job?
There memes and motivational posters on the topic. They say things like “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life?” or “Chase your passion, not your pension!” Christ, even Oprah says “Follow your passion; It will lead you to your purpose”
What if that’s all wrong?
Read MoreAnd today, on April 19th2019, here you are.
Opening presents and making tic-toc videos with your friends. Giggling and singing and begging for permission to wear make-up “just for today” Singing along to rap music in the car – lyrics I can’t make out with my 40-year-old-ears – and talking to me like a girl with wisdom far beyond her years.
Read MoreBut eventually we will cross a line when the drugs and the treatments will not be enough. Crossing that line is inevitable and we've known that for a long time. The 'what' of it - that a lung transplant was inevitable - is something we've known for years. What we've never known - what no one has ever been able to tell us, what they still can't tell us - is when.
Read MoreI always see the Mamas… I see the battles they are fighting, the day they are enduring or the dread and fear they are trying to keep at bay. I see strained smiles and choked back tears. I see the herding to and from rooms and procedures and appointments. I hear the quiet promises of reward for compliance and the whispered threats when the promises don't work. I see the fatigue and the weariness of these mamas as they carry their child through this fight. I watch them take on the changes of the days as if it has no weight when I know it is in fact very, very heavy.
That weariness? That's battle fatigue. This thing they are doing? It's war. That fear?
That we won't win. That we won't fight well. That we are doing it wrong.
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