Spoiler Alert: Without trust, you're f*cked...

I got a phone call a week ago.

It was my first day back to work and my first phone call of 2021.

It was a lot. It was not supposed to be, but it was. Whether it was because it was my first day back after a few days off, or the person I was talking too or just my general mood, one thing suddenly became so clear that I had no choice but to do something about it.

One phone call can - and did - change my personal operating model.

What I learned in the phone call was how much I ignored – by commission or omission – the place of those around me. Colleagues, friends, family and community members. Where they are at. In their lives, their careers, their leadership. In their heads. All of it.

And it made me stop in my tracks and realize just how LITTLE I really know about some of the people that I have spent an inordinate amount of time with. More time, especially this past year, than I spent with my husband, my parents, my siblings.

Maybe even my kids FFS.

And that idea of place – place in space and time – each person is operating in matters.

A lot.

There are people who – in the midst of this pandemic and working remotely – have started new roles or moved business lines or even move companies. And they have done it all without ever meeting their team members or peer group or even their boss.

There are people who are juggling elder care and child care and still trying to “do it all” professionally amidst that madness.

There are people who are, as a result of this pandemic, supporting others through crisis … and trying not to trigger their own.

People have lost – loved ones, professional opportunities, personal growth plans and access to communities that previously supported them like churches and volleyball leagues and the neighborhood gatherings that we used to take for granted.

And what smacked me in the fact in that phone call was a question: Given the context and situational realities being violently different today as opposed to the before-times, are my expectations any different?

Am I acknowledging and factoring into my professional activities the realities of this brave new world?

Am I taking – and making – the time to take care of those around me; to check in and to do what I can to keep putting people first while we all attempt to ‘keep going’?

Am I doing everything I can to ensure that in removing face-to-face and in-person contact I haven't also accidentally eroded a part of my humanity?

I don’t know.

Look - This isn't about telling everyone you work with your deep dark secrets. This is not about turn the work place into a therapy office or all sitting around a virtual campfire and singing. Let me be clear. I am a lot of things but I am NOT a trained social workers or counsellor (although I know a few and cannot recommend having a therapist right now strongly enough…)

What strikes me that for teams to work and for organizations to work - especially in this brave new world, maybe even more now that ever - trust is critical.

Trust is foundational.

Trust is non-negotiable.

And how can we trust someone we don’t know? How can I expect someone to trust me if they don’t know me? How - without care and effort and a specific and deliberate effort to know each other as people first and colleagues or community member second - can a team really work?

Without trust, teams don’t work – not fully. Not genuinely.

And I am too old and too tired to do anything inauthentic or disingenuous. .

The work and the time and the effort that we choose to invest – or not – in getting to know each other or nurturing or deepening relationships is not optional. And it is work.

We can no longer count on or take for granted the quick hallway discussions about the Queens Gambit or opine on whether the new Fantastic Four movie should or should NOT be an origin story.

Those conversations – where we find out whether you are a dog or a cat person (or an all of the above and a racoon and bird person), the quick “wanna grab a coffee?” walks and talks, the team lunches together where you discover that I do indeed put hot-sauce on everything – now require effort.

Are you willing to make that effort?

I have shared before my theory around having a finite number of f*cks to give each day (5 F*cks/Day – Patent Pending) My point is that you need to use one of them to do this work. To make this effort.

This is valuable work and time well spent. This is how we stand a chance of building the trust that keeps teams strong and makes strong teams great.

I recently read a McKinsey article and the gist of it is this quote:

"None of the ambitious changes can happen without a capable and energized workforce."

I agree – but it starts with trust.