Two weeks ago today I was sitting in my home office with my head on my desk. Tim was at Sick Kids for a check up with Fiona and text read "Numbers are not good. She can't fly"

So I put my head on my desk.

In 10 days we were booked to leave on Fiona's long awaited wish trip and this text - those seven words - contained all the injustice of the world. Those seven words made me put my head on my desk. 

I remember getting a phone call that made me do the same thing sitting in my office around 7 years ago. I got a call from the school - a missed call, BTW cause i was too busy at my super important job cause I'm a big deal <hard eye roll> - saying that Simon had no lunch. When I finally picked up the message I felt like such a shit mum that I laid my head on my desk in my sunny office and cried. 

What a pussy.

Now I get phone calls that tell me my 7-year old daughter cannot fly because her lungs have too much trapped air and it would be like taking a soda pop bottle on a flight.

Not THAT is something to cry about. But I didn't. I just laid my head down and then - because I have an amazing husband who knows what is happening in my head when the little text bubbles pop up and then disappear and then pop up and disappear again - I got another text. 

"We'll drive"

Yup. We will drive. 

Each child who faces a critical illness gets to "Make-a-Wish" and Fiona's wish has been - since she was 2 1/2 years old and we first introduced the concept to go to Disney and meet all her favourite characters. At the time, those characters were largely Disney princesses but her repertoire has expanded since then to include Star Wars characters like Chewbacca and everyone from Guardians of the Galaxy (but especially Baby Groot) When she relapsed all that faded into the background and became a distant memory. When she began recovering, we started thinking - but not talking - about it as her recovery was so long, so slow and continued to be riddled with land mines. We thought about it and discussed it with her team as to when she might be okay to get her trip, when they would or could sign the forms for her to go. That only happened in the last year. 

Fiona asked regularly about her wish and when she might get her wish trip. Hell, even after the trip was booked we considered making it a surprise the day off but decided they deserved to get excited about it first. Even then we waited until less than 4 weeks out to tell Simon and Fiona.

We did all of this because I didn't want what was happening right now to happen. And it was happening anyways. 10 days before we were supposed to leave. 

But that's just it. That's the thing. This thing - this recovery, this 'after' it's just the next leg or chapter or whatever. We never really close the book on this disease because we are all changed by it and our lives are different because of it. 

So we just get on with it. How?

Well, I laid my head on my desk for a bit. And then Tim started a plan. And then we started to execute. I made some phone calls to the Children's Wish team and explained the situation. We got our doctor to send a letter to help with the flight cancellations and got working on a  car rental. We juggled things at work to leave a 1/2 day earlier.

We told the kids and despite reactions which included "WHAT!?!?! How long is the drive?" and "What do you mean 20 hours?!?!? GAWD..." we handled it with our regular aplomb which sounded a lot like me saying things like "It's a road trip!" and and "It's gonna be fun! Think of all the things we will see!" and "Honestly, I'd rather drive..." 

Then we stopped thinking about the flying and shifted back to the planning and the excitement of the trip. My tribe sprung into action with offers of support including the drop off of Florida-fashion options, floppy hats and a pre-packed cooler bag of snacks from a tribe member with SERIOUS road-trip experience courtesy of competitive sports. 

And now we are here in sunny Florida at Give Kids the World Village on our second full day of Fiona's wish trip. And you know what? A 2-day road-trip relative to the 5 years that came before doesn't seem like such a long drive after all.